In 1 Thessalonians, Paul calls for gentleness, affection, purpose, and the care of a mother or father for their children.
If you are in a strong and supportive local church, you know how powerful it can be. Your faith can be strengthened just by being around other people of faith.
But relationships in the local church are sometimes difficult. Sometimes, some people are hard to get along with. Sometimes, people have “quirks” that can be quite irritating. Where can we start, to build strong relationships in the church?
My Bible studies on 1 Thessalonians show that much of what Paul wrote to the Thessalonians is particularly relevant to life in a local parish or church.
Paul was writing to a young Christian community, and one of the first things he established was a philosophy for how ministers and church members can interact with each other in the local parish.
The labor of love
Paul begins by praising the Thessalonians for their “labor of love” (1 Thess. 1:3). This means he recognizes that loving others isn’t always easy. Sometimes getting along with other church members takes real work.
He tells them to imitate him, and then he describes how he acted when he was with them.
1. Gentleness
The first thing Paul says is that “we were gentle among you” (2:7, NABRE, NRSV).
We may not always be treated with gentleness, but we can always respond with gentleness, and that can help build the kind of Christian community we all need.
2. The caring concern of a nursing mother or loving father
Next, Paul offers an analogy. He says that he treated the Thessalonians the way a nursing mother cares for her children (2:7). Later, he uses a similar analogy to a caring father (2:11).
Caring parents want what is best for their children. They won’t always agree with the children, and they won’t always give them what they want, but they approach their children with caring concern. That is how we are called to approach others in the church.
3. Affection
Building on the analogy of a mother, Paul says, “With such affection for you, we were determined to share with you not only the gospel of God, but our very selves as well” (2:8, NABRE).
Affection. We may find it hard to have a natural affection for some people. This may have to make a choice: either to be perpetually irritated, or to choose to develop an affection for people whose quirks are initially hard to take.
Families do this all the time. Rather than being constantly angry at a family who is frequently grumpy or tardy or says unhelpful things, they just laugh to themselves and say, “Oh, that’s just Joe.” An outsider might not understand it, but the family has learned how to treat the quirky person with affection rather than anger.
Teachers do this too. Some students will get on your last nerve every day if you let them. The wise teacher learns to accept the child’s unique behaviors, understanding that if they recognize it as a quirk rather than as the defining feature of the child, they can see beyond the quirk and build meaningful relationships despite the irritation.
We can make the same mental accommodations at church, so that the difficult people are not as irritating to us. We had a member of our Bible Study for years whose crankiness and old-school misconceptions about God could have been very off-putting. Instead, we learned to work with it; and years after he passed on, members still refer with affection to “good old George” (named changed out of respect).
4. Focused on our purpose
In the same verse, Paul tells the Thessalonians that he was always seeking to “share with you . . . the gospel of God” (2:8, NABRE).
We are not at church merely to please ourselves or feed ourselves. One of the reasons we are there is to bring God’s good news to others. Sometimes, it can help to pause and ask, “How can I deal with this situation in a way that will advance the good news about God?”
When we remember our purpose as people of God working to bring the gospel to others by our words and actions, it can help us find effective ways of dealing with problems that arise.
I was in a parish once where a difficult pastor became overly concerned about parish finances and decided to charge every parish group a maintenance fee for every time they used any parish facilities. It was an active parish with many groups that spanned a range legitimate spiritual, service, and social purposes. You can imagine how upset everyone was, when they heard they would have to pay to use their own church’s meeting rooms to participate in their own church’s activities. Many angry mutterings could be heard, and it was clear that this was going to not only damage people’s relationship with the pastor but also damage their relationship with the church and their sense of being connected to the mission of the church.
My prayer group prayed about it and decided to play the role of mediator. We worked to help people not lose sight of our purpose as a Christian community. We helped the pastor understand the unspoken message of rejection that his proposal had delivered. We helped leaders of parish groups understand the financial burden that the pastor was evidently carrying alone. We devised a solution that lowered the tensions and allowed people to move forward.
Seeing the bigger picture of who we are as a parish can help us work through the disagreements that come up, so that our calling as people committed to the gospel of Christ is not undermined.
More than getting along with church members
We often approach church with what we can get out of it. Paul approached church with what he could pour into it, as parents seek to pour themselves into their children.
If we want to do more than just get along with our fellow parishioners, Paul shows us how to take it to the next level and not get sidelined by the irritations that can arise. It may be a labor of love, but it can produce life-changing results.
NOTE: There is much more in Paul’s letter. Check out my Bible Studies on Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 and see how God might encourage you through them.
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